SKECHERS SHAPE-UPS: $47.99
Another bonus stupidly expensive sneaker here! Some shoes should just be given away as foot protection for people who don’t care about style, that’s about all the Skechers Shape-Ups have going for them. This “sneaker” is like a sports player that tasted a season of incredible glory and then failed the drug test. He then had all his trophies repossessed, along with his couch, kitchen sink and children, was savaged by the media, lost all his friends and now walks the streets in a trench coat, naked underneath, in big sunglasses and an op-shop fedora. ‘Don’t look at me’, he shouts, ‘Don’t look at me!’ The Skechers Shape-ups launched in 2009 and claimed to help you lose weight and tone your butt, legs and abs without you really having to do anything except walk around in them a little bit. They enlisted America’s most trusted and intellectually-respected girl-next-door sweetheart Kim Kardashian in the advertisements, because she had surely developed her completely natural figure through wearing Shape-Ups, and the shoe went gang-busters, showing up on the feet of every mall-walking mother (including mine) in the western world. The jig was up a couple of years later though, as the Federal Trade Commission slapped Skechers with a $40 million fine for deceptive marketing. They still sell the shoe, at a discounted price, but maintain the fat-burning claims, though they have added an asterisk that the benefits aren’t ‘clinically proven’.
Despite the fine, my mother is not phased and still swears by her ‘rocking shoes’, and claims they’re really comfy. Well, sorry Ma but some style is not subjective – they look awful, and they’re an absolute rip-off at anything close to 50 bucks!