Team LeBron VERSUS Team Giannis
As the NBA’s superstars descend on Charlotte for three-point comps and obscene slams, we found ourselves distracted by another matter entirely: who packs the heat on their feet?
Is it Team LeBron with the eye-watering Kyrie 5s and clean KDs? Or is it Team Giannis with the nuclear PG3s and Why Not Zer0.2s? Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the seventh installment of VERSUS: Team LeBron vs Team Giannis.
- Boon Mark Souphanh
You know the drill — cast your vote below to make your voice heard.
Let's kick things off with King James shall we? I mean, LeBron has a sneaker legacy that FLAMES the whole goddamn Giannis squad. Does Giannis even have a sneaker dropping? Can't they fit A-N-T-E-T-O-K-O-U-N-M-P-O on a sole???,
Are you kidding me? Did you just start following the NBA yesterday? Let me guess — you probably reckon 'Bron smokes MJ one-on-one, right? The guy has had 16 signatures models, and it only took a collaboration with John Elliott for him to finally release one that didn't look like it was designed by a fifth-grader. Besides, forget the Greek Freak sneaks — we all know PG and Russ are the real stars of Team Giannis when it comes to heat on the feet.
Really? That Russell Westbrook Why Not Zer0.2 business is epileptic. They're as foul as Westbrook's jump shot; this boy so busy wrapping his sneakers in fancy boxes he forgot how to put the ball in the goddamn hoop. WHY NOT? Because you're going to give someone a brain aneurysm. Little Russ junior going to report child abuse if daddy puts him in this:
You want to learn how to box sneakers? Look at the Kyrie 2 'Krispy Kreme', Kyrie 1 'Uncle Drew', or Kyrie 4 'Wheaties'.
Now, now — let's not start talking about jump shots when you got old mate Ben Simmons floatin' about your squad. Russ still be averaging a triple-double and you casuals still ain't happy. As for Kyrie's joints — we both know you got to rely on gimmicks like packaging when your sneaker lacks any form of actual tech or originality. Guess it's hard to understand the sneaker world when you think it's flat ...
Look, whether the earth is flat, spherical, two-dimensional, or floating on the back of a fucking tortoise, your squad's still not managing to get any elevation with your sneakers. The Steph Curry Under Armours could be the flattest damn designs in the NBA. Chef Curry ain't cooking with any spice with his sneaker catalogue. #SnoozeFest.
Want a signature concept that actual wasn't corny AF? Look no further than the Paul George x PlayStation PG2.5. Game Over, fam.
Those battery-powered PG 2.5 Playstation kicks?
At least Team Giannis ain't relying on cheap salmonella-inducing Chinese takeout for sustenance. Imagine being so dull that you gotta sign a sneaker contract with Anta or Li-Ning — yes, I'm looking at you, Klay Thompson and Dwyane Wade. Even Klay looks like he knows it himself...
Boy we reppin' the underdog brands over on Team LeBron — Li-Ning inking their lifetime deal with Wade; New Balance linking up with Kawhi. We have integrity. I mean, Kawhi walked from a $22 million Nike deal for New Balance. Respect. Real fans are going to be smuggling that Li-Ning shit like crack when Trump shuts down the trade routes with China.
Underdogs? Don't you mean underachievers? Harden scoring 30+ points every game but still got as many championship rings as I do. Don't even get me started on his signature sneakers. Maybe they can be part of this conversation once someone actually buys 'em ...
Ha! The Beard will go back-to-back MVP this year you watch. He'll put some bling on his fingers if he really wants to. Harden still has time. We ain't rolling out death-warmed-up. Dirk Nowitzki? Are we making sneakers for the nursing home? I don't even think he'll be able to move around the arc for the 3-point contest ...
He's a 14-time All-Star, a Finals MVP, Championship winner, and a future NBA Hall of Famer, so I think The Beard better stay in his lane for the time being. And if you wanna talk about Kawhi and integrity, let's not forget Joel Embiid bypassed Nike and adidas to sign with Under Armour so he could help unprivileged youth. Respect the Process!
LeBron is BUILDING schools. Look Bron can leave his whole squad at the door and sit on the bench, massaging his groin and sipping red wine; he's still gunna have more heat on his feet than the motley crew Giannis cooked up. Just sit back and enjoy, you kids still got some notes to take before trying to make a play on the throne.
You and I both know LeBron's got to build his teams to have any chance of winning anything. Besides, The King's army don't stand a chance here... The Greek Freak's spartans are coming for The King's head (and feet).
Who took the w?
As we always do in VERSUS, we put the vote in your hands to determine a winner. Cast your votes using the 🔥buttons above to make your voice heard.