The Sneakers People of Westeros Should be Wearing
Season 8 is (finally!) upon us, and while White Walkers, Starks, Targaryens and Lannisters slice their way across George Martin's hostile lands, we at Sneaker Freaker HQ couldn't help but wonder: Which sneakers would give the citizens of Westeros the best shot at the Iron Throne?
Tyrion Lannister: adidas Superstar
Tyrion is the GOAT. He’s been around forever, earned his stripes through longevity, and stayed relevant by forming partnerships with some of the game’s biggest players. As such, the only fitting sneaker is the adidas Superstar. And since a GR wouldn’t do, we’ve picked the Undefeated x BAPE colab. This 2015 colab has gilded gold tallies worthy of a Lannister who survived the War of the Five Kings. Its leather is as black as Tyrion’s wit, and BAPE’s mottled grey camouflage is coloured for Casterly Rock. And, just like Tyrion, its nose is a little gnarly.
Cersei Lannister: Yeezy BOOST 700
Cersei needs a sneaker hefty enough to stomp her enemies without getting any blood on the throne – a sneaker that shares the dangerous, egomaniacal and attractive qualities of its creator. We’ve gone with the Yeezy Wave Runner, as its chunky midsole has enough white to give the illusion of purity. Cersei is a little more forward-thinking than Mr. West, but just as politically motivated and blood thirsty. Hey, maybe she’s got a little ‘dragon energy’, too.
The Hound adidas Prophere ‘Desert Camo’
What a beast! Look at those bulbous welts! Is the Prophere fire? No, but it looks like it might have been touched by it. Like the Hound, the Prophere was made ugly and ready for battle. We didn’t like either at first, but the stolid characters have grown on us in time. This militant ‘Desert Camo’ pair is perfect for Sandor Clegane’s combative ways. Just as burly as he is, these war dogs were meant for each other.
Daenerys Targaryen: Futurepacer ‘Grey One’
Daenerys is running an ideological campaign built on emancipation and equality, so we’ve sent over some Futurepacers to the mother of dragons. With their minimalist design aesthetic, they’re not likely to inspire any jealousy and revolt from her devotees. However, we reckon they’re unique enough to build a future around.
Bronn: Rick Owens x Spring Blade High
It’s hard to imagine Ser Bronn of the Blackwater and Rick Owens of the fashion goths getting along, but it’s easy to imagine them liking the same clothes. Both have a thing for leather, boots and blades. And given that Rick Owens’ adidas Spring Blade High combines all three, it’s a must-cop for Bron.
The Night King: Yeezy 500 ‘Utility Black’
‘Ye and the Night King have been pissing everyone off in equal measure – ‘Ye because of his twitter rants, and the Night King because, well, he wants to slaughter everything in Westeros. Why not do it in the 500s?
Jon Snow: ZX500 BOOST ‘Grey Fur’
Jon Snow needs something malleable enough to hit first base with a Wilding, but sturdy enough to take on the Night King. He’s also a bastard, so he probably needs a hybrid. We’ve gone for the ZX500 BOOST – something technologically modern that still retains a classic flair. The grey and white colourway is suitably minimalist, spotlighting Snow’s unwavering humility.
Varys: Yeezy BOOST 350 V2 ‘Butter’
Varys is always walking around in his damn robe, holding his own hands, and talking about little birdies. The Yeezy BOOST 350 V2 ‘Butter’ is a suitable silhouette here. It’s soft enough for a turncoat, flashy enough for the royal chambers, and built for all kinds of verbal and physical abuse.
Arya Stark: NMD_R1 ‘Black Glitch Camo’
Poor old Arya has one hell of a time getting through George Martin’s GoT. We felt like she needed some extra camo support on the upper for all that sneaky shit, with a silhouette relatively tech’d for all that swordplay. Enter the adidas NMD_R1. Add it to your list, Arya.
Jaime Lannister: MI Harden Vol 2
Jaime needs a sneaker that embodies pride with vestiges of self-hate. A sneaker that’s got enough swag to catch your opponent’s eye while you mess them up. You know what, Jamie Lannister shares a lot in common with James Harden (minus the incest, plus the defence). We’ve gone with the MI Harden Vol 2 in a ‘Yellow/Red’ colourway paying homage to the Lannister house.
Samwell Tarly: Micropacer ‘Silver Metal’
Born for performance, but a little too chunky around the collar, this awkward creature is kept around by people charmed by its smarts. We’re talking about the Micropacer, but it doesn’t take a Grand Maester to connect the dots. Just as the Micropacer gave adidas some of its biggest hits (those midsole shanks look familiar), Samwell Tarly’s sparks of genius placed Westeros’s biggest arrows in its quiver. There have been numerous Micropacer colourways since its 1984 debut – even one in House Tarly colours. However, the OG fits Samwell the best. It’s been said that Maesters are ‘knights of the mind’, and even if he doesn’t get to armour-up like Dickon, these will give Samwell the chance to suit-up in silver.