RAVE! HOW TO GET FREE SHOES!
May 16, 2013
The founder and editor of this magazine recently stated in an interview in the weekend supplement of an Australian national newspaper that the only reason he started this magazine was to get free shoes. Well if he’s not going to be shy about it then I’m not going to be shy about my reasons for writing for Sneaker Freaker. Shoe companies, marketing managers, PR firms, rich people, whoever, SEND ME SOME FUCKING FREE SHOES! Perhaps I have been a little too obtuse in the hints that I have dropped in my previous articles?
In the first article that I wrote (SF #2) I talked about loving Vans and having a pair stolen. Did the people at Vans read this and take pity on me and send me some shoes? No they did not! I mentioned that I thought that all Spanish people were thieves, as the shoes were stolen in Spain, and a guy from Spain (English not even his first language) sent me a pair of shoes in the hope it would change my opinion about Spanish people. It did. As far as I am concerned, the Spanish are among the greatest races of all time. And the pair of shoes, a Pony and Loreak Meridian colab are the greatest pair of shoes I have ever been sent from Spain. Hey marketing managers, are you getting the hint yet? I just mentioned a pair of shoes by name and gave them a glowing reference.
I next wrote about adidas Superstars (SF #4) and my love for them and their many colors and how it helped with my psychological condition which prevents me from leaving the house when my shoes and t-shirt don’t match. Did I get any free shoes? Fuck no!
To add further insult to injury, I was then contacted about having the article included in a book about the Superstar and its 35th anniversary. Did I get any free shoes? Fuck No! I didn’t even get a copy of the book.
The next article was about samples and how I buy them even though I am a 9.5 or 10 and samples are 9. Obviously the powers that be out there are less bright than I had hoped. Not only was I giving them my shoe size so they could send me free shoes but I was also letting them know I was happy to take samples, basically the shit they have lying round the office with no boxes. And if I can’t squeeze my feet into them, no problem, I can always sell them on eBay (hey I am not going to lie, this is all about honesty).
Did I get any free shoes? Fuck no!
Finally, in a desperate attempt to get some free shoes I wrote an article drawing attention to the desperate plight of mismates (SF#8) – people whose shoe size differs by two or more sizes between left and right feet. My reasoning was that someone out there would read the article and be so enamored with my charitable work that they thought I deserved some free shoes. I think it’s called karma.
Did I get any free shoes? Fuck no!
Things changed approximately two days ago when I received a package from jolly old England. The label said Pointer Footwear (www.pointerfootwear.com). I gleefully opened the package and was greeted with the best pair of shoes I have ever seen in my life. This Pointer brand must be hot! I quickly took off the adidas / Vans / Air Spiridon I was wearing and put on the new Pointer shoes. I hadn’t even laced them up properly before my wife asked me for sexual intercourse, and even though I didn’t get to lace the shoes up properly, they did not come off once during the act, which lasted much longer than usual. Since having these shoes I have received a promotion and pay rise at work, won the lottery and tracked down every bit of out-of-print vinyl I have been looking for in the past ten years.
Did I get free shoes? Yes I did. Did Pointer shoes get a good review? Fuck yes! Which ironically enough, they deserved. This concludes my Marketing 101 lesson. You scratch my back and I will scratch yours. So get with the program and please send all free shoes care of Sneaker Freaker, attention Sebbo.
SEND SHOES TO
SNKR FRKR MAGAZINE::
PO BOX 1571 COLLINGWOOD
VIC 3066 AUSTRALIA
This article appeared in Issue 11 of Sneaker Freaker. Buy it here